CHAMPS: Pre-Game Run Down!

Hello derby fans!  We know you’ve missed us, and we sure have missed you too!  It has been a long, hot summer but we have been training hard to give you the best flat track derby you have ever witnessed at the Texas Rollergirls Home Team Championships this weekend!


hearts v hots The first bout of the evening will pit the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers against the Hotrod Honeys in a battle for third place.  The sweethearts in gingham have yet to win a home team game this season, although they lost by only 4 points to the Honeys in black and pink back in March, so this is anyone’s game.  Will the Heartbreakers pull away with a win this time?  Captain Danke Shame believes in her team, “The Hearts have been working really hard the last couple of months, and we are looking strong. We’re ready to bring a good fight to the Hotrods.”

The Hotrod Honeys certainly won’t be taking it easy on the Heartbreakers. Both teams are back at full strength after taking the summer to recover from some injuries. Watch for strong, heavily defensive Hotrod packs locked down by Slamdra Dee, Jackie Daniels, Punkin’ Dominion, DeBella DeBall, and LaVooDoo.  Crowd favorites Olivia Shootin’ John and Hauss the Boss will be playing both offense and defense, and are devastating in either position. When asked for a quote, Hauss had no words, she plans to let her skating do the talking for her.

The Heartbreakers are planning to leave all the Hotrods speechless with teamwork, solid packs, and strong defense.  Ruby Wring, Trauma, Shiner Blond, Nine Lives, and Booty Queen are anchoring the defense with solid walls which the Hotrod jammers will have to penetrate.  Also watch out for Thugs Bunny, Sideshow Ho, and recent draftee Scornbread, who shines at both blocking and jamming.  Don’t think this third place bout will be any less hard hitting or exciting.  These women will be tearing up the track and playing hard like they are after the trophy, so be sure not to miss the first bout, beginning at 6pm.


hells vs hustlersThe 2015 Texas Rollergirls Home Team Champions will be determined in the second bout of the evening.  Will it be the current reigning champs the Hell Marys? Or will the Hustlers claim that title back for the first time since 2011? Both teams are incredibly strong defensively. You can look forward to punishing packs, hard hits, and quick, jukey jammers.  Yes, these teams are strong, tough, and they mean business.

          Already breaking the 5-year streak of teams winning the championship one year, then falling to last place the next is the Hell Marys. They may have lost many of their core skaters to retirement after winning 2014 Championships, but they did not let that slow them down. “We’ve worked extremely hard to show that 2015 wasn’t a rebuilding year for us,” revealed triple-threat Gravy, Baby!  “Thanks to our amazing coaching and support staff, we are more than ready for the Hustlers to bring it.”

The Hell Mary defense has perfected their “circle of death” strategy with solid blocking by Bullet Sucker, Angela Momentum, Dolores Fuertes, Sandy Ravage, and The Mad Hatcher.  Watch for Freight Train to dominate in any position, she is truly a force to be reckoned with on the track.  Zippy jammers Mini Massacre and BabyFace Assassin are difficult to slow down, and will force the Hustler walls to be patient and strong.

Are the Hustlers ready for this challenge? “I believe in the power of purple,” proudly declared Hustler blocker, Me Shove You Long Time. “We’ve had our eyes on this prize since we won in 2011. We have a strong team, and each skater has been working hard for this moment. Let’s get weird, y’all.”

If getting weird translates to bringing the pain, then the Hell Marys better be ready for those immovable Hustler walls, and hard offensive strikes.  Nicki Ticki Timebomb is one of the hardest hitting jammers the game has seen in a while, she is strong and difficult to catch.  Wild Carnage, on the other hand, has fancy, unpredictable footwork. Both jammers will be working hard to put points up on the scoreboard. One of the derby world’s favorite stars, Fifi Nomenon will be playing in all positions; you can’t miss the attention she commands on the track.  The physical defense from CC Boom, Bittercup, Impending Doom, Malice, and Mostly Harmless will be working to stop the Hell Mary jammers in their tracks.

This Championship bout is guaranteed to be edge-of-your-seat excitement.  With the close games happening all season, the trophy is either team’s to win.  Both the Hustlers and the Hell Marys have been working hard for this game, both physically and mentally.  It’s going to come down to the final whistle. Who wants it more?

Join us at the Austin Convention Center in beautiful downtown Austin, Texas this Saturday, August 22 for our final home team game of the season.  Doors open at 5:15, and the 3rd place bout begins at 6pm.  In addition to the derby, there will be music by the Inside Out Steel Band between the two bouts.  Stay until the end to see the crowning of the 2015 champions, followed by a skater retirement ceremony, then walk over to the afterparty at the Jackalope to celebrate a season well played with all of your Texas Rollergirls.

Love ya ‘til it hurts!

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  • August 19th, 2015
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