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2013 Ranking: #4 (1W, 4L)
The Hell Marys School for Wayward Girls, established in 1666, is a Texas institution, and its varsity roller derby team is a force to be reckoned with. Clad in plaid, the Hell Marys started an Austin trend with their infamous cheer: “Punch, punch, punch, ARROW!”
After a successful team-rebuilding year in 2011, with coaching team Punk Rock Phil and Dagger Deb at the helm, the Hell Marys trounced their competition with fierce intent and won their first home championship since 2007, beating out three-time champs, the Hotrod Honeys. But 2013 represents a new challenge for the Hell Marys: With the loss of their coaches, who retired at the end of the 2012 season, and with several of their lauded players (Polly Gone, Barbara Ambush) leaving the team to play solely with the Texecutioners, the Hell Marys will have to skate over their competition and roll with the punches in order to once again rule the track. Can they do it? As any Hell Mary skater will tell you, “Hell yeah!”
2013 Ranking: #1 (4W, 1L)
Texas is cowgirl country and our Honky Tonk Heartbreakers are proud to represent this part of our heritage, with a little bit of added glitter and glamor! They pair their navy gingham with gold, their team cheer is “Glitter Done”—and they do.
In 2012, The Heartbreakers debuted a new coaching squad and a Texecutioner-studded lineup, a combination that proved intimidating for their home-team rivals. In the end, the team showed well but had some heartbreaking loses. With the Heartbreakers bringing an added level of intensity and retribution to their play, 2013 may just prove to be the year of even more cowbell.
2013 Ranking: #2 (4W, 1L)
Black-and-pink-clad girl mechanics, our Hotrod Honeys love nothing more than to go fast and turn left—on a racing track or a flat track! Is it any wonder their team motto is “Faster, faster, kill kill kill”?
The Hotrod Honeys dominated the league from 2008 through 2010 with three undefeated seasons, but in recent years have fallen to their home-team opponents when it mattered most. However, as Texas Rollergirls skaters and fans can attest, never underestimate a calculating Honey with a plan and a grudge. Though they’ve lost several of their veteran players to retirement, in 2013, the Hotrods took on five die-hard rookies, who joined a team driven by vengeance, redemption and a killer attitude.
2013 Ranking: #3 (1W, 4L)
We live in the golden age of roller derby, but the last one was back in the 1970s. Inspired by the derby divas of yesteryear, our Hustlers blind the opposition with their purple and silver glitz, then blindside them with massive hits.
After a remarkable comeback season in 2011 that culminated in an extraordinary championship win over the Hotrod Honeys, the Hustlers spend 2012 trying—but failing spectacularly—to repeat their triumphant season. But in 2013, a bolt of new life struck the Hustlers: Though they lost many celebrated veterans to transfer or retirement (including Belle Starr, Curvette and Acute Angel), the Hustlers gained retired derby pro Babe Ruthless as their coach, and a slew of dazzling rookies, including 2012 regional MVP jammer sensation, Fifi Nomenon. In 2013, the Hustlers are intent on repeating their 2011 season and ensuring lightening strikes twice at the Austin Convention Center.
2013 Record: #2 WFTDA Championships, #1 Richmond, VA Playoffs
A rotating cast of up to 20 of our best and brightest, the Texecutioners, currently ranked third in world!—represent Texas Rollergirls in interleague competition at the highest levels of roller derby. Their colors: black, white and blood splatter. Their motto: Texas, Texas—kill, kill, kill!