Killer Crouton

Skater name: Killer Crouton
Skater number: 3-15
Position: Blocker
Year started playing with TXRG: 2013
Other league info: Played in Texas Rollergirls Rec League from 2009 – 2012
Height: 5’6”
Age: 38
Birthday: Oct. 2

I am a freelance writer and editor. And I’m a total grammar snob. Can you believe people pay me for that? I am also the operations seductress for the coolest derby-centric apparel company around: derbylove. Seriously, that’s my real title.

Besides the all-consuming roller derby, I like to read, bowl, cook, do yoga and correct other people’s grammar. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoy couch surfing and hanging out with my friends while consuming copious amounts of fried food and beer. Also, I have a terrible addiction to “Angry Birds.” I know; it’s a problem. I need help.

What’s your most embarrassing derby moment?
I’m sure I’ll have a few during my rookie season with the Hustlers, but up to now, it was probably that time in Rec League when I was forced to jam during a scrimmage, and was doing a pretty good job, but was later told by my dear friend Five-Ho that I was pouting so much during the jam that I had “diarrhea face” the whole time. I’m certain there are pictures of my infamous expression.

When did you start skating?
I skated in elementary school at a really cool rink with a wood floor called “The Armory,” and occasionally in college during themed birthday parties. But I didn’t really start skating until I joined the Texas Rollergirls Rec League in November 2009. My then new boyfriend, Texas Rollergirls announcer Chip Queso, encouraged me to join and has been instrumental in my derby development ever since. I really owe my beginnings in derby to him.

Favorite food?
Carbs. Carbs. Carbs. And I’ve got the gut to prove it. Also, I’m a total sucker for peanut butter! And, duh, croutons.

Favorite roller derby player?
My favorite derby player of all time is Hydra. She has taught me so much throughout the years, both on and off the track. I respect her and highly value her advice and suggestions (which is why I’ve occasionally found myself committed to derby-related adventures that have scared the poop out of me, but furthered my derby knowledge). When in doubt in life or in derby, I ask myself, “What would Hydra do?”

Who inspires you?
I get inspiration from so many of the derby girls in my life, but mostly from those who I’ve skated with in Rec League and have seen overcome enormous challenges and become rock stars.

What are you most thankful for in your life?
My remarkable mother, who has always been my champion and who, when I said I was going to play roller derby, was nothing but incredibly supportive and excited.

How/why did you pick your derby name?
That is a long story that involves amalgamated email addresses, a sorted divorce and the creativity of Honky Tonk Heartbreakers skater Big Nasty.

How has roller derby impacted your life?
Wholly. I cannot remember what I did with my life before roller derby. It consumes a great deal of my waking life, as I am either practicing, playing, recovering, working on logistical aspects of derby, traveling to watch derby and sell derbylove merchandise, or talking about it to everyone I know or have ever met. I love this sport so much and will continue to make sacrifices in order to become even more committed.

What’s the hardest part of being a rollergirl?
Trying to live up to the spectacular standards my league and teammates set.

First thing you do after a derby bout:
Thank everyone involved for their hard work. Then refuel all those calories I just burned!

Which one of your tattoos is your favorite – what is it and why?
My favorite and most meaningful tattoo is the one on my chest. It is a memorial tattoo for my beloved five-year-old Doberman, Bella, who will always be in my heart.

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